Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
