Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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