Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
