he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want her autograph on my taint
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
