I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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