guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
