i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
