I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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