So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The best revenge is premature balding
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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