A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
