We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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