dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
