i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
