Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
