Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
