I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
