I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
People in love make me want to vomit
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
