It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize