Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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