I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
