My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to calm my uterus...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
