I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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