maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
