Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize