I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
