whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize