Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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