I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
