New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
