Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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