out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
