Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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