Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
