maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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