Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like iHOP with fire
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
