oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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