god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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