If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
