apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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