the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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