I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
