We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
