I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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