Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
