that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
