tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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