Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
