Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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