Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
