Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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