New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
