wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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