I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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