we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
