Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
