Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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