What did we do last night that was yellow?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
