nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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