***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
