You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
