do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
