Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
