He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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