Already got asked if we're dating
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
