They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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