Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
