puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
